The Greatest Gift of Asking for Help

Asking for help brings us closer

One of the humbling aspects of being a single mom is that I cannot possibly do everything on my own.  I need a lot of help. Asking for help has always been hard for me though. I thought being strong meant I could do everything and carry the weight of the world on my shoulders.  That belief comes from a place of feeling like I had to prove myself to earn love and acceptance. But I have learned that asking for help is a way of loving ourselves, loving the other person, and allowing ourselves to be loved by others.

I truly believe the saying “It takes a village to raise children”.  I feel so blessed to have a village of friends and family that I can turn to when I need help.  They watch my girls for me when I have work events, appointments, and meetings. They are there when I need another adult to talk to or parenting advice.  Their husbands even watch my girls so the moms can go out and have time together. I truly don’t know what I would do without them.

But if I’m honest, I carry around some guilt about asking for so much help.  At times I feel selfish for receiving so much and not giving equally in return.  I feel like I owe something to the people who help me.

Over time I have come to realize that the help I receive is a gift from people who love me and care about me.  Dictionary.com defines ‘gift’ as ‘something given voluntarily without payment in return’.  My friends and family choose to help me because they want to. They don’t expect anything in return.

Giving a gift feels good to both the giver and the receiver.  By asking for help, we give others the chance to feel good about themselves.  And we get to feel good about receiving something from someone else, no strings attached.  It’s a win-win situation.

I have witnessed my self-worth growing just by asking for help.  When I start to feel guilty about asking my sister or a friend yet again to watch my girls, I remind myself that asking for help is an act of love.  I show that I love them by trusting them to be there for me; I allow them to show love by giving their help; and I love myself by asking for what I need to take care of myself.

For the first couple years after getting divorced, I was in a season where I needed a lot of help.  I had to adjust to a new way of life as a solo parent, and I constantly felt overwhelmed and exhausted.  My friends and family were my lifeline. I have so much gratitude for all they did for me, and I know God was working through them to carry me through that difficult time.  

While I am still a solo parent and I still need help, I am in a much different place now.  My girls and I have settled into our way of life as a family of three, and we have so much more peace and freedom.  I am in a new season of life, one where I can pay forward the love my friends and family bestowed on me. God has shown me that I am worthy and  is leading me to share His love, mercy, and grace with others.

I can take a long time to learn things, and sometimes God has to do things in a big way for me to hear what he is saying.  I think this past weekend was one of those times. My girls and I had the opportunity to pay the love forward by helping four different people all in the same weekend.  It was our turn to give back to the same friends who helped us so many times. We watched a fish, fed a dog, took care of chickens, watered plants, checked mail, and watched my friend’s girls.  

I didn’t do any of this because I felt like I should, like I had to pay someone back.  I did it because I wanted to and it felt good to be able to help others.  It was also a great opportunity for my girls to do the same.  Taking care of the animals brought them such great joy, and we had fun making our rounds to the different houses together as a family.

Seasons of life change.  Sometimes we find ourselves in a place of scarcity and need more help.  Other times we feel like we have an abundance are able to do more to help others.  Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of strength and acceptance that we are not meant to do this journey of life alone.  

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