Discovering Gratitude in the Face of a Challenge

gratitude for a peaceful walk

Last month I went to the doctor for my annual checkup.  I am grateful that I have been pretty heathly, and I didn’t worry much about this appointment.  She did all the regular exams and then sent me to the lab for blood work. I thought I was good to go for another year.  Until the results of the blood work came in and I found out I wasn’t really. 

Some of the levels were higher than the recommended cut-off, which put me at risk for other complications.  Immediately my mind started doubting the choices I made and blaming myself for not taking better care of myself.  I really had been trying, but that voice that tells me I’m not enough reared its ugly head. I started ‘shoulding’ myself: I should have been exercising more, I should have been eating better, I should not have eaten that…

Then blame turned to fear and worry about what would happen to my girls if something happened to me.  The disease I’m at risk of is not life-threatening, but fear can take my mind to all kinds of crazy places. Being a solo parent, I easily worry about something happening to me and leaving my girls with no parents to raise them.  They’ve suffered enough loss already.

I met with my doctor again, and she gently assured me I had done nothing wrong to make this happen.  A lot of different factors are at work. But I could turn this around with diet and exercise and bring the levels back down to a healthy range.  Just exercise 30 minutes a day, cut back on carbs, sugar, salt, and fat, and lose ten pounds. Simple enough, right?

I witnessed my mind going to the place of fear, shame, and guilt.  And the role of the victim. Why me? Poor me. Another challenge in my life to overcome.  When will I get a break? How come bad things seem to keep happening? How could I have let this happen? What if I can’t change those test results?  But this time I let that thought train pass right by without jumping on board. Instead, I turned to God.

And I found God right there in the middle of it.  You see, one of the things I’ve been praying for is my health, asking God to take care of me so I can take care of my girls.  But he didn’t just hand me my health in a pretty package. He gave me the opportunity and motivation to make myself and my health a priority. And he didn’t just give me this health scare and expect me to figure it out on my own. He is guiding me through this challenge, giving me the time, energy and strength I need to take better care of myself.

To be honest, I haven’t been as good about exercising as I could be.  I’ve spent a lot of time focusing on my emotional and spiritual health, which has been transformational, but I’m still a little out of balance, as far as my physical health goes.  I’ve known that I need to make exercise more of a priority, but it’s hard when I feel exhausted all the time. So I’m trying to be gentle with myself and remember all the other good things I am doing in my life.  I’ve been through a lot of hard things, and I can handle this challenge as well. One day at a time.

Back to school season is about the worst time of the year to receive the news that I need to make more time to exercise, eat better and lose weight.  It is the busiest and most exhausting time as a teacher and a parent. How can I possibly do one more thing? Do setting up a classroom, shopping for supplies at numerous stores, running from one meeting to the next, doing laps back and forth to the copier, and schlepping my kids all over kingdom-come count as exercise?  I think I know what my doctor would say.

So I asked God for help because I can’t do this all on my own.  I need time to shop for healthy foods, to prepare home-cooked meals more than I already do.  I need energy to exercise even when I don’t feel like it.  And I need strength to avoid the temptation of eating easy frozen dinners, night-time snacks and dropping on the couch to watch tv in the evenings.

God is answering my prayer for help.  I’m sleeping better than I have in a long time, waking up earlier so that I have time to prepare healthy meals and take care of myself.  I have more energy to exercise, even if it’s just a walk around the neighborhood.  My cravings for sugar have subsided and my body feels so much better without the carbs.  And the best part is that I haven’t had a headache or a migraine in quite a while, and that had become a regular occurrence for me.

So often when we ask God for something, he doesn’t give us exactly what we ask for.  It’s easy to give up on him and think he’s not hearing our prayers and that we have to take matters into our own hands.  But God is a loving father who doesn’t just hand us what we want. He helps us learn through the trials and challenges of life.  He gives us opportunities to grow stronger by trusting in him.

I am choosing to have faith that God will help me through this challenge and to let go of the fear of what could happen that is out of my control.  I have gratitude for the peace that comes with trusting that everything will be okay.  God’s got this.

 

One Reply to “Discovering Gratitude in the Face of a Challenge”

  1. Great post! Thanks for sharing. I love how you’re choosing to view this health scare as guidance to make health a priority. I’m going to run some of my own issues through this perspective. Parenting issues would currently top my list 🙂 Perhaps I’m being given the opportunity to make my relationships with my kids a priority. Hmm… I like that better than what I’ve been thinking. Thanks again.

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