Setting Children up for Back to School Success

back to school girl coloring

The back to school bustle is in full swing.  I’ve been buying backpacks, lunch boxes, and supplies; replacing clothes and shoes that became too small over the summer; and transitioning back to early bedtimes and alarm clocks.  As a teacher, I went back to work a week before my kids start school and have been busy getting my classroom ready. With Mom back to work and school about to start, emotions have been flying high in our house.  More meltdowns, crying, fighting, and yelling. This is a time of change and transition, and setting my children up for back to school success is about much more than just buying school supplies. I also have to make sure we are ready emotionally…including me!

Let’s face it, change is hard for a lot of us and going back to school means a lot of changes for our kiddos.  New teacher, new classroom, new friends, new schedule, new routine, and a whole lot of unknowns. I feel anxious at the beginning of the school year, and I’ve been teaching for twelve years!  So I can understand how my kids feel.

Change and fear of the unknown create stress for children and adults alike and can lead to unwanted behaviors.  My younger daughter Corinne, who is an HSP (highly sensitive person), is especially sensitive to change.  The slightest alteration in our routine or schedule, doing something new, or rushing to go somewhere can send her into a meltdown.  She needs extra time to process changes, and while I sometimes feel frustrated with the time it takes, life goes much more smoothly when I can bring awareness to her emotions and have more compassion for her.  

A Good Night’s Sleep

I checked in with my girls the other night to see how they feel about starting back to school.  Both of them said they are not looking forward to waking up early. Me too! So we came up with a plan together to help them get the sleep they need, and we agreed on a bedtime that works for everyone.  They’ve experienced sleep deprivation enough to know they don’t like how they feel and act when they are tired. Involving them in the decision made it so much easier than me dictating and enforcing early bedtime.  Then, when they’re not doing their part I can remind them of why they decided that was a good bedtime.

Sleep is one of the biggest causes of unwanted behaviors with my girls.  I struggle with sleepovers because they need two or three days after to catch up on the sleep, and I don’t like to deal with their crankiness for that long!  Making sure they get a good night’s sleep is one of the main ways I try to set my kids up for back to school success. They are much happier when they are well rested!  

Likewise, I give myself a regular bedtime.  Because my day starts early, the only way I can get the sleep I need is to go to bed early.  I’m just as cranky as my kids when I don’t get the eight hours of sleep I need! Making sleep a priority allows me to be more emotionally available for my own kids, as well as my students.  Since children tend to feed off of the emotions of the adults around them, getting the sleep I need sets everyone up for success.

Routines and Responsibility

I love the freedom and flexibility summer brings, but by August I’m ready to get back into a routine.  I have found that having a clear schedule and set of expectations for my girls makes our mornings and afternoons go much more smoothly.  And it sets them up for success because they know what to do without mom nagging at them! Establishing a routine provides stability and predictability and reduces some of the anxiety they feel about going back to school.

I have my own morning routine that incorporates some self-care and helps me start my day off the right foot.  I set an alarm for my girls so they wake up at the same time every day. Corinne needs extra time, so I built in an extra ten minutes for her to lay in bed which has eliminated a lot tantrums!  Now that my girls are 7 and 10, they get dressed, brush their teeth, make lunches, and pack their backpacks on their own.

As a single mom, I’ve had to put more responsibility on my girls for taking care of themselves and helping out around the house.  They know what needs to get done, and they are in charge of themselves and their own stuff. This frees up time for me to take care of myself, and they feel proud of themselves when they help out. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying we do this perfectly.  They still need reminders and we continue to practice, and it’s worth the time and effort. Learning to be responsible at home teaches them to be responsible at school…and what teacher doesn’t love that?!?

Time to Connect

The other night, when I checked in with my girls, Corinne admitted that she feels more connected with me in the summer.  And I totally get that. When I’m not working, I have so much more time and energy to be present with my children. Balancing a full-time job and single parenting is emotionally exhausting, and after a day of teaching, I have so little left to give.

But this is where I really have to dig deep and carve out time to connect with my children.  Often when they start acting out, they need attention from me. Taking even just a few minutes to connect with them can make those unwanted behaviors go away.  And when their emotional needs are met at home, I know they will be more successful in school.

One way I do this is by carving out a few minutes to sit down and eat breakfast with them at the table before we leave for school.  Sometimes it’s just five minutes, but it has been such a valuable way for us to connect and check in before the chaos of our day begins.  We all leave the house happier and more connected. Likewise, I make sure we have dinner together as often as possible so that we can check in at the end of our day.  One way we do this is by sharing our rose, bud and thorn. A rose is a good part of the day, a thorn is not so good part, and a bud is a hope for tomorrow.

I also love reading with my girls in the evening.  Kaitlyn is going into fifth grade and often prefers to read by herself, but I request that we read together at least one or two nights a week.  We love to crawl into my bed and snuggle under the covers while I read, or Kaitlyn reads, or we listen to an audiobook. Reading and talking about the books is a wonderful way for us to connect and relax at the same time, which we all need!

Down Time and Play

One of the hidden blessings of my role as a single mom is that I don’t have extra time or money to enroll my girls in a bunch of activities.  I can easily get caught up in comparing myself to other families whose children seem to do so much more, but I’ve grown to really appreciate doing less. When we are too busy and overscheduled, my girls and I become stressed, overwhelmed, irritable and quick to melt down (myself included!).  We need time to unwind, relax, connect, play and be creative.  Our house is so much more peaceful when we have time to rest and play.

I’m not saying my kids don’t do activities, but one at a time is my limit.  I intentionally schedule downtime a couple of days a week, especially when we are in school.  School is overstimulating, especially for my highly sensitive kiddo, and they need time for their brains to process everything they did and learned during the day.  My girls are exhausted at the end of school (I am too!), and the last thing I want to do is schlep them around from one activity to the next until we are all fighting or melting down because we can’t take anymore.

Whenever we have free time and I ask my girls what they want to do, they say “play!”.  They crave play time, and it is so good for them. From what I see in the classroom, I don’t think most kids play enough these days!  Not only does play help kids relax, but it also develops social skills like collaboration and compassion, builds problem-solving skills, allows kids to explore their interests, and fosters imagination and creativity.  I love to listen to my girls play and hear all the things they come up with! They reenact things that have happened to them and work through their emotions. Play is so powerful and important and can help our children be more successful in school.

Back to school is an emotional time.  Taking time to check in with my girls’ emotions has made the transition a little bit smoother.  Having compassion for the extra crying and whining allows me to stay connected with them and myself.  I’d love to hear, how are you setting your children up for back to school success?

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